What Do Seasons Have to Do with Mental Health & Joy?
Exploring the Correlation Between Seasons, Stardew Valley, Women's Menstrual Cycles, and the Gothic Subculture
On January 6, 2025, I sent a 15-minute voice message to my good friend, Sami. She and I have gotten in the habit of sending weekly voice messages back and forth as a way to check in, motivate each other, and share what’s going on in our lives and minds. In my message to her on the 6th, I reflected on my thoughts about the upcoming year, and how it relates to my feelings about seasons. It inspired me to write a post on my exploration of embracing the push and pull of the seasons. Not just literal seasons based on weather, but also life’s seasons. How is it all intertwined? And how can we find beauty and comfort in different phases, especially the ones we enjoy the least?
What can we learn from women’s menstrual cycles, video games, and even goths about how to slow down and enjoy the seemingly unenjoyable? That’s what I intend to explore in this post.
Toward the end of 2024, I began to reflect on the seasons and how they can help us embrace life’s ebbs and flows. I’ve thought about it quite often, but it becomes especially prevalent near the end of the year when we’re all winding down and reflecting. Toward the end of last year, I kept telling friends about how I couldn’t wait for the holidays to be over. The holidays are when you’re meant to slow down and spend quality time with friends and loved ones. And yet, my boyfriend Z was on a work trip to Hawaii off and on from November into early January. So I found it difficult for me to embrace the season because I felt that everyone else was enjoying themselves (even though I know that probably wasn’t the full story). But at the time, it seemed like all the couples I knew were decorating their homes together, going on weekend trips, and preparing for holiday celebrations. I spent the majority of my time doom-scrolling on TikTok, numbing, and overall wanting to hit the fast-forward button to bypass the discomfort I felt. So, it got me thinking about ways I can learn to embrace moments like that in the future, instead of feeling like I wanted to skip ahead. And toward the end of December, I began playing Stardew Valley, and that’s when it started to hit me. Especially after experiencing my first winter of the year in the game. And then, I started my period on Thanksgiving, and then New Year’s Day, which both felt significant. So, I began to contemplate the correlation between women’s menstrual cycles, and the seasons. I've also been exploring and studying goth culture, and I’ve learned that a big part of it is inspired by an understanding and appreciation of the darker aspects of life and humanity. In combining these three seemingly unrelated topics, I’ve been able to brainstorm ways to become more present, even in my darkest of times.
If you’re not familiar with Stardew Valley, it’s known as a “cozy game” within the gamer community. However, some would disagree with the notion that it’s relaxing because of the daily pace and how many tasks need to be completed. Much like real life, it often feels like there isn’t enough time in the day. Nonetheless, you own a farm that you inherited from your grandfather, and the goal is to revamp the farm while building community with the small town you now inhabit. What I immediately appreciated about the game was the distinct seasons, especially since leaving northern Nevada where I got to experience all four seasons, and now living in Okinawa, Japan where “winter” comes with 60-degree weather and the occasional rain shower.
In Stardew Valley, each season lasts 28 days and is apparent based on a distinct visual style. The game begins in Spring, which is actually quite jarring because it seems to be the busiest time of the year. Between learning how to effectively grow crops, getting to know the townspeople, learning to forage and complete side quests, my head was spinning. And that was all before getting farm animals, exploring the mines and getting beat up by slimy creatures, and failing at fishing. When Summer arrived, the chaos continued. I still didn’t have a grasp on which crops made the most sense to grow, and most days I felt like I was constantly running around with barely any progress. And then Autumn arrived. I breathed a sigh of relief, especially as the colors on the screen transitioned from bright greens, yellows, and pinks into orange, brown, and soft yellow hues. I know I’m basic for this, but fall is my favorite season. Things in the game began to slow down, and I started to find my flow within the game. I grew some pumpkins and realized they were by far my most profitable crop--maybe ever. Which gave me confidence that I could get somewhere within the game.
And then winter hit, and it felt like everything came to a halt. There were limited trees available for chopping wood, my cows and chickens stayed in the barn and coop, and things just felt cozy. The best part? Crops don’t grow in the winter! (Until you get a greenhouse, but that’s for another time). So I traded my time endlessly watering crops for adventures in the mines. Things really began to slow down, and I found myself missing the hustle of spring and summer. Isn’t it interesting how that works? We get so used to the hustle that when it slows down, we don’t know what to do with ourselves. About halfway through winter, I couldn’t wait for spring to hit so I could put my newfound knowledge and experience to work. By the time spring of year 2 hit, I was ready to go. What I learned from my first year of Stardew Valley is that each season serves a purpose, and each is necessary to develop a well-rounded lifestyle.
As I got into Stardew Valley and thought about how it relates to the seasons of my life, I also thought about women’s menstrual cycles. Back in 2016, I graduated from an online health coaching program through the Institute for Integrative Nutrition. At the time, I had developed a fascination for learning about all things that had to do with holistic health. That included women’s hormones, especially as someone with a hormonal imbalance dating back as far as I can remember. I wanted to learn how women’s hormones are designed, and I wanted to understand how each phase played a role in the process and why it mattered. Many of the hormone-based coaches I followed at the time compared the phases of the cycle to seasons. I found the concept easy to grasp and loved the idea of optimizing my life by aligning it with my body’s needs. I recently consulted an online article for a refresher on how it’s all laid out so I can share it with you.
The first day of your menstrual cycle is considered “Winter,” and I’m sure you can understand why. All I want to do on the first and second day of my period is lay on the couch eating salt and vinegar chips with Ben & Jerry’s while binge-watching Sex and the City for the tenth time. So what’s happening in your body to make you feel this way? At this point in your cycle, your estrogen and progesterone have declined, leaving you feeling sluggish and moody. During this time, it’s okay to become a hermit. You might feel easily overwhelmed by conversations, scrolling social media, or an intense workout. It’s completely acceptable (and recommended) to swap your HIIT class for a gentle yoga class or even a walk in the sunshine. You could even opt to rest completely and not workout at all - although, I’ve heard a little bit of movement does help with cramps. I can attest to that.
Once your body has completed the shedding of your uterine lining, you go into what’s called the “pre-ovulation” phase. AKA your spring. At this time, estrogen takes charge which leaves you feeling energetic and motivated. I’m pretty sure this is my favorite season (aside from the super horny animal I become during ovulation, of course). In your spring, you’ll likely feel more positive, creative, curious, etc. So get out there and make plans with friends, ease back into your usual workout routine, and who knows? Maybe even start a new hobby. Ever tried diamond art?
Following the pre-ovulation phase is ovulation - your estrogen peaks to its highest level, and testosterone and luteinizing hormone increase which amps up your sexual energy. As the article states, “You’ll likely feel an intense burst of energy, your voice may raise in pitch, and you’ll develop a bit more sex appeal.” Isn’t that wild? I’ve heard our bodies change shape to be more “curvy” and the look of our faces change to be more “feminine.” Not sure I put that in the best scientific terms or how accurate that is, but I’ve heard it explained more than once. So it goes without saying - this is a great time to experiment with new sexual positions and/or kinks, seduce yourself with a romantic solo date and toy session, or go out and flirt if you’re single. With all this energy, you can also set yourself up for success by prepping for the upcoming autumn season. Maybe prep extra meals, do a deep cleaning of your home, and stock up on your comfort items.
Pro tip: Your communication is excellent during this time, so have the important conversations. The article also shared something I thought was a great idea: Keep a journal of your successes, as you might need the reminder when you feel crappy during the fall or winter phases.
Finally, we’ve reached fall. My favorite season in real life, but not so much when it comes to my menstrual cycle. Especially because I think I suffer from PMDD, so it can become a dark time for me. During this phase, also known as the infamous luteal phase, your progesterone increases while your energy decreases. You might notice you feel more sensitive to criticism, and people may accuse you of being irritable or short with them. The good news? You become more assertive and intuitive during this time. So use it as an opportunity to assess what you have going on - relationships, friendships, your career - and reflect on whether those areas are working for you. Although, personally, because I tend to be more sensitive during this time if there are things I’m uncertain about, I like to wait until after my period is over to address them and make changes. That way I give myself time to decide if it’s really what I want, and then make a plan. Autumn is the time to go inward because you’re more introspective, you might even have more patience to sit down and read some good smut or do a cozy hobby. Knitting, anyone? It’s okay, and even encouraged to ask for help during this time!! (I know, I know. It’s hard).
A lot of information, right? So how do I make it work for me, especially when I know it isn’t realistic to always plan my life based on my menstrual cycles? I do what I can. Sometimes, I end up having a big social event or holiday on the first day of my period (like Thanksgiving and New Year’s in 2024). In that case, I just take extra time before and after the event to decompress and do lots of self-care. I also permit myself to bow out of the commitment early, if that’s an option. It’s okay to show up and give what you can, and then take some time for yourself.
I felt most compelled to explore the dynamics of the seasons and how they impact my moods and emotions because of how I felt about the “dark” seasons of fall and winter. Because of my imbalanced hormones, I spend a lot of time in those modes. And I found myself wanting to just zone out until I felt “better.” But I wanted to find a way to embrace the dark times, and that’s when I found an appreciation for goth culture. Lately, my boyfriend has been wanting me to explore a gothic aesthetic. Like most things, I can’t just get into that halfheartedly. If I’m going to dress like a goth, I want to understand more about the community as a whole. So I went down a rabbit hole.
Something that intrigues me about goths is their appreciation for the dark and melancholic aspects of life. I recently read this article on goth psychology that writes, “While mainstream society often equates happiness with positivity and light, goths find beauty and meaning in exploring the darker aspects of human existence. This isn’t about wallowing in misery, but rather about acknowledging and embracing the full spectrum of human emotion.” It brings me comfort to know that I can lean into the feelings I most often want to reject. I’ve been thinking about how I can tangibly do that. As a young girl, I loved rainstorms because it meant I got to sit out on my porch, journal in hand, and write. Sometimes, I would write short stories, and other times I would journal about the confusing and painful parts of childhood and being a teen. Music is something else I cling to in difficult times. Singing and playing my guitar heals my body and soul. Challenging times are inevitable, so instead of fighting against them, I plan to use art to get me through. Isn’t that what it’s there for, anyway?
I hope you’ve enjoyed this window into how my mind works because this is usually what my thought process looks like. I get into one thing that sends me into another, and then another, and so on. I love finding connections to things that help me understand myself, and the world just a little better. Video games like Stardew Valley and The Sims offer an objective view of everyday life. Our menstrual cycles force us to slow down and remind us that it’s healthy to take breaks. Alternative subcultures like goth anchor us into the beauty of things we generally want to turn away from. So before we part ways, here are a few questions I have for you:
If you have more alone time in winter, can you pursue a creative hobby like writing, art, etc.? (Or what ways do you like to connect with yourself?)
When you’re feeling social, can you join a new workout class or try a new restaurant with a friend? (Again-what do you like to do when you feel social or energized?)
If a “season” makes you uncomfy because it’s not something you usually do, or who you are (eg. Extroverted in a quiet season), how can you lean into that or use it as a time to connect with yourself or someone you know in a new way?
Leave your answers down below, or connect with me on Instagram @laurenmkepler. Let’s talk again soon!
Love,
Lauren